From religion to self-help culture, we’ve been sold the illusion of self-reliance and divine reward. Success, love, and healing don't happen in isolation.
Allow me to start by thanking you for sharing your experiences. I found it relatable in many ways.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about religion and psychology. I strongly believe that religion is often misused by people who actually need therapy, and I completely agree that gurus who use shame as a tool—especially when your inner child has already been silenced and put down, are cruel. They may think that it will make you stronger or resilient but they don’t take into account that it has a counter effect on people that were raised the way you described.
I really loved the connection you made about community and support being the most valuable aspects of growth. When you don’t know how to love yourself, seeing it modeled by others can be a powerful way to learn. Humans aren’t meant to be alone, and this idea of extreme self-reliance as a badge of pride feels counterintuitive.
I do want to add that throughout your entire text, one thing stood out to me; it all started with “self”. You made the choice to improve, to question, to evaluate your needs, to notice, and to receive. From experience, I understand what it’s like to live with a mind wired for negativity because of what it’s been taught. And yet, the fact that you were able to reflect on all of this and put it into words shows that, somewhere inside you, there is a small, brave self that you have given a voice to.
Thank you so much for your words, I appreciate you! Yes, there is a small, brave self in me, no doubt. And it is also nourished by people who love me. Both are true ❤️
I LOVED this, thank you. After being confronted with the idea that children manifest horrific circumstances through ‘past lives’ I quickly tapped out of the manifestation world and haven’t looked back. Blaming yourself is one thing, blaming children - nah. You’re right, self-made is not what it says on the tin.
This deeply resonates with me as both a writer and a human being. You've beautifully dismantled the toxic individualism that permeates our culture - from religious doctrine to self-help manifestos. The truth you've illuminated is profound: we are all interconnected tapestries of human connection, support, and circumstance.
Your metaphor of the rug's underside perfectly captures how our "self-made" successes are actually beautiful patterns woven from countless interactions, helping hands, and moments of grace from others. The Palestinian example powerfully exposes the privileged delusion of manifestation culture.
You're absolutely right - healing, growth, and love aren't solo journeys. They're community efforts. Every bit of confidence we possess was planted by someone else's belief in us. Every achievement rests on shoulders we may not even see.
This piece is a vital wake-up call to recognize our interdependence and invest in each other rather than chasing individual enlightenment. We don't need more gurus selling self-reliance - we need more humans brave enough to love each other through our brokenness.
Thank you for speaking this truth with such clarity and compassion. May it inspire us all to be better weavers of community and care.
Beautiful! We all have the power to weave our own tapestry, and the picture it creates shows what we have chosen to make it with. As a human race we’ve all created a pretty scary looking tapestry by how we’ve chosen to show up and treat each other, but I also see people creating new and beautiful tapestries in their own right and I hope to see each person who is mindfully building their own with love to merge with many others and create a beautiful new picture.
My gosh I feel exactly the same way. Shouting in my mind constantly is 'community community, community', and everything connects to it. It's the only way we are going to realise our true powers - and the patriarchal politics of our lives will have less and less meaning.
This was such a beautiful piece. I completely resonated with the idea that we are a product of our circumstances, faith/dreams and the people who helped us along the way.
I think if we trust in ourselves, then only we create a sense of trust with our environment which helps us create positive realities.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts Amali. I am not sure I understood you correctly. Are you saying that the trust we put out to others creates a different reality?
Yes, I meant to say, it's important that we first trust in ourselves(at least a little). Then it's easier for us to trust and receive help from others without doubting people's intentions. I feel this creates a positive trust loop. :)
I've never been religious but I am deeply spiritual. But even I hate how most "gurus" use shame and guilt to sell their products and services. I used to think "if it helps them then who am I to say anything" but after reading this I changed my mind. I'll share your writing with them and have a real raw conversation conversation about the self love economy. And of course tell people to go to therapy.
Thank you for being here and reading with an open heart Deja! I am honored. And honestly, there is so much about this system that makes me think that more people need the therapy that is a GREAT COMMUNITY instead of talking to a therapist. I wish everyone could have that. But yes, also yes to all you said!
Thank you for being here!
Thank you. 💜
Thank you so much for reading and leaving love here Amy! And thank you for buying a subscription, it means so much to me!!! ❤️
NO man is an island.
Nobody indeed.
Allow me to start by thanking you for sharing your experiences. I found it relatable in many ways.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about religion and psychology. I strongly believe that religion is often misused by people who actually need therapy, and I completely agree that gurus who use shame as a tool—especially when your inner child has already been silenced and put down, are cruel. They may think that it will make you stronger or resilient but they don’t take into account that it has a counter effect on people that were raised the way you described.
I really loved the connection you made about community and support being the most valuable aspects of growth. When you don’t know how to love yourself, seeing it modeled by others can be a powerful way to learn. Humans aren’t meant to be alone, and this idea of extreme self-reliance as a badge of pride feels counterintuitive.
I do want to add that throughout your entire text, one thing stood out to me; it all started with “self”. You made the choice to improve, to question, to evaluate your needs, to notice, and to receive. From experience, I understand what it’s like to live with a mind wired for negativity because of what it’s been taught. And yet, the fact that you were able to reflect on all of this and put it into words shows that, somewhere inside you, there is a small, brave self that you have given a voice to.
Thank you so much for your words, I appreciate you! Yes, there is a small, brave self in me, no doubt. And it is also nourished by people who love me. Both are true ❤️
I LOVED this, thank you. After being confronted with the idea that children manifest horrific circumstances through ‘past lives’ I quickly tapped out of the manifestation world and haven’t looked back. Blaming yourself is one thing, blaming children - nah. You’re right, self-made is not what it says on the tin.
Oh this!!! I could spend hours talking about it. It makes me so angry. And I am always flabbergasted that people believe it!
This deeply resonates with me as both a writer and a human being. You've beautifully dismantled the toxic individualism that permeates our culture - from religious doctrine to self-help manifestos. The truth you've illuminated is profound: we are all interconnected tapestries of human connection, support, and circumstance.
Your metaphor of the rug's underside perfectly captures how our "self-made" successes are actually beautiful patterns woven from countless interactions, helping hands, and moments of grace from others. The Palestinian example powerfully exposes the privileged delusion of manifestation culture.
You're absolutely right - healing, growth, and love aren't solo journeys. They're community efforts. Every bit of confidence we possess was planted by someone else's belief in us. Every achievement rests on shoulders we may not even see.
This piece is a vital wake-up call to recognize our interdependence and invest in each other rather than chasing individual enlightenment. We don't need more gurus selling self-reliance - we need more humans brave enough to love each other through our brokenness.
Thank you for speaking this truth with such clarity and compassion. May it inspire us all to be better weavers of community and care.
Totally on point!
Thank you for this beautiful addition. I couldn't agree more.
You are an amazing writer Nadia 🖤
So are you Joel! Thank you so much!
Wow!
We learn everyday!
Isn't that wonderful!
Superb! Profound.
Thank you so much Leon!
Beautiful! We all have the power to weave our own tapestry, and the picture it creates shows what we have chosen to make it with. As a human race we’ve all created a pretty scary looking tapestry by how we’ve chosen to show up and treat each other, but I also see people creating new and beautiful tapestries in their own right and I hope to see each person who is mindfully building their own with love to merge with many others and create a beautiful new picture.
I love this so much Jacquelin! Thank you for your words!
🌱💚🌳
My gosh I feel exactly the same way. Shouting in my mind constantly is 'community community, community', and everything connects to it. It's the only way we are going to realise our true powers - and the patriarchal politics of our lives will have less and less meaning.
We can only repeat reapeat repeat it and LIVE it out loud, hoping others catch on.
This was such a beautiful piece. I completely resonated with the idea that we are a product of our circumstances, faith/dreams and the people who helped us along the way.
I think if we trust in ourselves, then only we create a sense of trust with our environment which helps us create positive realities.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts Amali. I am not sure I understood you correctly. Are you saying that the trust we put out to others creates a different reality?
Yes, I meant to say, it's important that we first trust in ourselves(at least a little). Then it's easier for us to trust and receive help from others without doubting people's intentions. I feel this creates a positive trust loop. :)
I've never been religious but I am deeply spiritual. But even I hate how most "gurus" use shame and guilt to sell their products and services. I used to think "if it helps them then who am I to say anything" but after reading this I changed my mind. I'll share your writing with them and have a real raw conversation conversation about the self love economy. And of course tell people to go to therapy.
Thank you for being here and reading with an open heart Deja! I am honored. And honestly, there is so much about this system that makes me think that more people need the therapy that is a GREAT COMMUNITY instead of talking to a therapist. I wish everyone could have that. But yes, also yes to all you said!
Community is definitely a huge need. Now more than ever! I'll be volunteering more this year and will definitely spend more time w my family 🤎
"We have too much reverence for the wrong things and not enough questions." nice one!!
Thank you Barbs! WE DO!!!! And it annoys me :D
Thank you for writing this - it is a timely reminder ❤️
So glad it came on time for you!