Nadia how do you do this? Such honest writing. It's so soothing to read, it makes me feel seen and heard and less alone all the time. I can't find words to write now. You are amazing and I hope you find everything you are looking for in life. Sending you lots of love and hugs!!
I don't know, I guess I just don't give a shit about 'looking good' 🫠 so it just all spills out. I am so glad to hear it made you feel less alone. That's exactly why I share. Lots of love to you on your journey. I am so proud of you!
I have heard some version of this from so many people. Which is to say you’re not alone. I’m sorry things feel hard right now and hope you find success on your own terms. I loved the way you wrote about your relationships. They sound really healing. Finding supportive community is such a gift. I too left a friend group in early 2020 and it was a long bumpy road to find my people. But so worth it. I turned 50 this year and one of the gifts of getting older is realizing no one’s really paying attention anyway. Might as well do the things that make your heart sing and live authentically. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am so glad you found your people too. I am grateful for my group as well, they really are a big reason as to why I am still here.
Incredible essay. I had so many thoughts as I read through but those thoughts would be knocked out of my head by the next incredible paragraph.
The part that stayed as you finished: I remember having a conversation with my sister where I recounted my first conversation with a Therapist. She asked me, ‘tell me a bit about yourself ‘… so then I did, or thought I did.
When I was done, she looked at me and said, ‘you just told me about your job and your accomplishments and what you DO, rather than who you are’.
I think we have definitely equated our worth with our DOing instead of our BEing.
Thank you for offering your kindness Noha ♥︎ It's absolutely true, we are so covered under layers of conditioned doing that we often don't know who we are. That's why I am grateful for this time of not doing much. It forced me to meet my naked self, without accomplishments. Such a rough journey though. Much love to you.
Same, same, on so many levels. Outwardly, I’m heading nowhere fast. Inwardly, the changes have been rich. Materially, couldn’t be worse off. Yet I’ve never had time like this before, time to just think about who I am and what I want from life. Time to make a daily mental commitment to ensuring that I don’t get to the end of my life and have my major accomplishment be that I worked hard. No.
It takes real confidence to do less than you ever have in your life, and not feel like a loser. It’s a practice, one I know is worth it. I’m there with you!
I feel this so much! "Heading nowhere fast" is so correct. I must look like a mess to people. And you're right, it definitely takes confidence to do less and not feel like a loser. Love this insight!
Loved your honesty in this piece. It’s why I subscribe to your writing.
Curious about the part where you mentioned you left a faith community after 33 years and lost almost everyone you loved. Who were the people that stuck by you during that time? And did you find more like minded people who accepted you for you?
Thank you for being here Istiaq! I am honored. Just a handful of people remained in my life after I left. 3 friends and my parents, even though they're all still in that old club :) But thankfully over time I found new people and now have a strong community around me.
I honestly wished I had a bunch of folk in my life who were this honest and saw the world and themselves in such a beautiful way. You are one of a kind, Nadia. The people lucky enough to call you friend won the lottery. They really have. Also this sort of talent will never be wasted. You’re an exceptionally beautiful writer. My gosh! So good!
You always melt my heart with your loving comments Joel! Thank you for cheering me on, for being such a human sunbeam. I am lucky to have you in this space! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
Incredible writing. It resonates. I’ve quit a corporate job in the pharma industry 3 years ago to pursue a dream in the wedding world (you know it better than me!) and still struggling to meet success. Is it failure ? I don’t know. The journey is long, I’m trying to enjoy the view even when it’s raining for months. Sending you love from Paris 🌸💕
I am so proud of you for giving your dream a go! That's huge! I hope you are celebrating yourself! Trying alone is amazing. And I wish you the success you dream of, I really do ❤️
Thank you for saying these things!!!! I don’t know you but I am so proud of you - and by you sharing your complicated feelings about your life you have helped me to feel proud of myself too. Thank you ♥️
I resonated with this to a cellular level. I am in the same season. It’s fucking brutal. Thank you for the courage to speak about it. I have essays forming I can’t even finish at the moment. I’m with you though - decolonising a colonised mind and internalised fucking capitalism. I think of this often, yet I’ve been eaten by my own failure complex for years too. And like you, (in major health crisis now) I have no fight left in me either. I spent all my energy overachieving from childhood to early and mid twenties. I’m 28 and I’m already fucking tired as hell - from a lifetime of masking, as trauma erupts out of my system and as I struggle to just survive - materially and emotionally. This essay reminded me I’m not as alone as I feel. So thank you.
Laura, thank you from my heart, for being here and sharing this space with me. I am so sorry you hit a wall as well, but also, kind of congratulations (?) for doing it so much earlier than me. I hope this means you get to enjoy the fruit of your healing earlier too! I am so proud of you for loving yourself through this. All we can do is be patient and gentle with ourselves. I don't know you but I love your heart. I know we are connected.
I can clearly feel how all your words link directly to my heart. The pull and connection is INCREDIBLE.
Courage is the most underrated and scary quality. It has become a placard for some people to use when they need to look like they have it all figured out, but truth is, very few of them actually live it and have integrity. Courage and integrity are unicorns.
I am in awe of your courage, honesty, integrity and beautiful soul. The inner very rarely matches the outer. Because the outer is often surface-level and very performative. We are not meant to be that and won’t be that. We aren’t meant to be tick-boxes.
Thank you for sharing your truth. You are a TRUE INSPIRATION 👑❤️🔥
Your words are like a balm. Thank you so much for being here, for reading and for leaving this precious precious reminder.
I am sorry this happened to you as well. And I hope you can find a way to be at peace with your life even when others don't approve.
felt. i’ve been embracing simplicity and learning to not feel bad about it because i truly love it
That's so wonderful to hear Michelle. It's something I am still learning to do.
Nadia how do you do this? Such honest writing. It's so soothing to read, it makes me feel seen and heard and less alone all the time. I can't find words to write now. You are amazing and I hope you find everything you are looking for in life. Sending you lots of love and hugs!!
I don't know, I guess I just don't give a shit about 'looking good' 🫠 so it just all spills out. I am so glad to hear it made you feel less alone. That's exactly why I share. Lots of love to you on your journey. I am so proud of you!
It's so true what you said. Isn't life just a simple way of living than pursuing all the stuffs that may or may not satisfy us?😂
It is , it is, it is! We are just trained to want more! It's really frustrating.
So true. It's truly frustrating. And there is no end to it. 😂
I have heard some version of this from so many people. Which is to say you’re not alone. I’m sorry things feel hard right now and hope you find success on your own terms. I loved the way you wrote about your relationships. They sound really healing. Finding supportive community is such a gift. I too left a friend group in early 2020 and it was a long bumpy road to find my people. But so worth it. I turned 50 this year and one of the gifts of getting older is realizing no one’s really paying attention anyway. Might as well do the things that make your heart sing and live authentically. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am so glad you found your people too. I am grateful for my group as well, they really are a big reason as to why I am still here.
Incredible essay. I had so many thoughts as I read through but those thoughts would be knocked out of my head by the next incredible paragraph.
The part that stayed as you finished: I remember having a conversation with my sister where I recounted my first conversation with a Therapist. She asked me, ‘tell me a bit about yourself ‘… so then I did, or thought I did.
When I was done, she looked at me and said, ‘you just told me about your job and your accomplishments and what you DO, rather than who you are’.
I think we have definitely equated our worth with our DOing instead of our BEing.
Thank you for offering your kindness Noha ♥︎ It's absolutely true, we are so covered under layers of conditioned doing that we often don't know who we are. That's why I am grateful for this time of not doing much. It forced me to meet my naked self, without accomplishments. Such a rough journey though. Much love to you.
Same, same, on so many levels. Outwardly, I’m heading nowhere fast. Inwardly, the changes have been rich. Materially, couldn’t be worse off. Yet I’ve never had time like this before, time to just think about who I am and what I want from life. Time to make a daily mental commitment to ensuring that I don’t get to the end of my life and have my major accomplishment be that I worked hard. No.
It takes real confidence to do less than you ever have in your life, and not feel like a loser. It’s a practice, one I know is worth it. I’m there with you!
Thank you for seeing me Leah. I am glad we are not alone ❤️
I feel this so much! "Heading nowhere fast" is so correct. I must look like a mess to people. And you're right, it definitely takes confidence to do less and not feel like a loser. Love this insight!
Loved your honesty in this piece. It’s why I subscribe to your writing.
Curious about the part where you mentioned you left a faith community after 33 years and lost almost everyone you loved. Who were the people that stuck by you during that time? And did you find more like minded people who accepted you for you?
Thank you for being here Istiaq! I am honored. Just a handful of people remained in my life after I left. 3 friends and my parents, even though they're all still in that old club :) But thankfully over time I found new people and now have a strong community around me.
Those inward changes mean so much and we don’t value them in the same way as the shiny shiny achievements we can see on the outside.
Annoying right????
I don’t feel so alone after reading this. Thank you for writing.
This makes me so happy.
I honestly wished I had a bunch of folk in my life who were this honest and saw the world and themselves in such a beautiful way. You are one of a kind, Nadia. The people lucky enough to call you friend won the lottery. They really have. Also this sort of talent will never be wasted. You’re an exceptionally beautiful writer. My gosh! So good!
You always melt my heart with your loving comments Joel! Thank you for cheering me on, for being such a human sunbeam. I am lucky to have you in this space! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
Incredible writing. It resonates. I’ve quit a corporate job in the pharma industry 3 years ago to pursue a dream in the wedding world (you know it better than me!) and still struggling to meet success. Is it failure ? I don’t know. The journey is long, I’m trying to enjoy the view even when it’s raining for months. Sending you love from Paris 🌸💕
I am so proud of you for giving your dream a go! That's huge! I hope you are celebrating yourself! Trying alone is amazing. And I wish you the success you dream of, I really do ❤️
Thank you 🫶 Wish you the best too !
Thank you for saying these things!!!! I don’t know you but I am so proud of you - and by you sharing your complicated feelings about your life you have helped me to feel proud of myself too. Thank you ♥️
Oh Georgia 🥹 This is so beautiful of you to say. It means the world to me. Thank you!
I resonated with this to a cellular level. I am in the same season. It’s fucking brutal. Thank you for the courage to speak about it. I have essays forming I can’t even finish at the moment. I’m with you though - decolonising a colonised mind and internalised fucking capitalism. I think of this often, yet I’ve been eaten by my own failure complex for years too. And like you, (in major health crisis now) I have no fight left in me either. I spent all my energy overachieving from childhood to early and mid twenties. I’m 28 and I’m already fucking tired as hell - from a lifetime of masking, as trauma erupts out of my system and as I struggle to just survive - materially and emotionally. This essay reminded me I’m not as alone as I feel. So thank you.
Laura, thank you from my heart, for being here and sharing this space with me. I am so sorry you hit a wall as well, but also, kind of congratulations (?) for doing it so much earlier than me. I hope this means you get to enjoy the fruit of your healing earlier too! I am so proud of you for loving yourself through this. All we can do is be patient and gentle with ourselves. I don't know you but I love your heart. I know we are connected.
I can clearly feel how all your words link directly to my heart. The pull and connection is INCREDIBLE.
Courage is the most underrated and scary quality. It has become a placard for some people to use when they need to look like they have it all figured out, but truth is, very few of them actually live it and have integrity. Courage and integrity are unicorns.
I am in awe of your courage, honesty, integrity and beautiful soul. The inner very rarely matches the outer. Because the outer is often surface-level and very performative. We are not meant to be that and won’t be that. We aren’t meant to be tick-boxes.
Thank you for sharing your truth. You are a TRUE INSPIRATION 👑❤️🔥
Pheww. Damn that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you ❤️ This has comforted me more than you know:
"The inner very rarely matches the outer. Because the outer is often surface-level and very performative"
I am moving this thought inside me. It's already growing roots and branches.
The gift of your words is precious. They are etched in my heart too. Thank you. ❤️🔥👑