Your freedom is not the most important thing.
Portrait of a heart, Christian Schloe
Trigger warning: mention of suicide.
I don’t remember when I became ‘aware’. It happens gradually. Like pulling up the blinds on a window, little by little, you let more and more light in. Until you see a clearer picture. Things come in focus. The picture becomes bigger. And what you see is not pretty. It terrifies the life out of you.
When I was a Christian I used to think (because I was told so) that suicide was the worst of sins. And I couldn’t fathom why someone would take that step. Now I absolutely can.
When you are no longer disconnected from your body and the world - the weight of it hits you with a force that can be too large to carry on your own. I get that believing in a god who has a plan (would love to know what that fantastic plan is) makes it easier for some people to live with that weight or ignore it all together because ‘god’s got it.’
But here I am, godless, sober and fully awake to the horrors.
Seeing how all the injustices in this world are connected; really seeing it, is enough to drive one mad. It’s enough to make you think there cannot possibly be a way out of this. I swing between despair and hope, paralysis, incapacity and action multiple times a day.
How do you keep hoping that things might eventually turn around when the only real long-lasting solution for everyone to be well would be to end Capitalism and all the harmful isms connected to it - but you don’t see that ever truly ending? Whenever I speak to people who love their wealth and their cars and latest property acquisition, they say: “We will never go back from Capitalism. Who would want to give this up?“, By this, they mean all their things and comfort and fake safety. I am scared that they might be right.
The problem is that we can’t all be wealthy within capitalism. “Everyone can be financially abundant” is a lie coaches tell you so you’ll buy their courses. The truth is that the beast aka Capitalism, always requires someone to hold up the short end of the stick. It doesn’t work otherwise.
Taking more than you need is fear of never having enough. Taking something that isn’t yours is hating who you are, not loving who you see in the mirror. The conquests of this world, the owning of people and land, they are driven by the idea that it is your right to own, that you deserve this more than someone else does, driven by the desire to have more. That desire ultimately comes from fear and self-hate.
So what do we do then? How do we remain grounded? Centered? Sane?
How do we keep fighting if it means we won’t be comfortable in our lifetime? Who is willing to give up what they have, who wants to be truly inconvenienced in service for a collective exhale? Who is willing to make adjustments and choices that will put them in ‘disadvantage’ for the sake of everyone having more advantages?
What if, in this system, you're not supposed to be comfortable?
What if the ease you think is your birthright can't be achieved if it's not attainable for everyone?
Many people right now tell us to disconnect, to take care of our mental health. Put your phone away. Stick to your self-care routine. Remember that YOU ALWAYS COME FIRST.
While many of us have been witnessing the murder of Palestinians through our screens, while we’re seeing more light being shed on the silent genocide in Congo, in Sudan, while homelessness is being c r i m i n a l i s e d and every day there is a new insanity that makes you want to rip your hair out - there have been hard zealots telling us “Your personal freedom is the most important thing. You don’t have to join the bandwagon. Do not let anyone tell you what to share about, what to speak about, what to care about - “You don’t owe anyone anything.”
Even though I am a radical idealist (according to my friends), I am very aware that many many things in this life are layered and grey. My strong opinions don’t mean I don’t see the in-between. I see it and I have compassion for it.
But I will say this:
Your personal freedom is not the most important thing. If your personal freedom comes at the expense of someone else’s (which is true for most of us) it’s not freedom, it’s privilege. It’s not something you earned, you simply got lucky. You need to understand that you could easily have been on the other side.
While it is true and I agree that we need to take care of our state of mind, we all still have tasks we need to complete every day and responsibilities to fulfil - it’s not one or the other. We need to do both.
It’s always: “If you heal yourself, you heal others, if you free yourself you free others, if you love yourself, you love others” How about turning it around like Fannie Lou Hamer did: “When I liberate others, I liberate myself” ?
Your personal freedom can never be more important than freedom from exploitation, oppression and poverty for everyone.
Are you ‘switching off’ in order to ignore our people who are being exploited and killed near and far? Or are you recharging in order to increase your capacity to witness, to grief and to act?
We need to witness our siblings. Because we are connected to them. Witnessing is the least we can do and at the same time it’s one of the highest acts of love. I see you. I see your pain. I am not leaving. Even from thousands of miles away. I will bear witness to your existence because we are the same.
We need to grief because grief will move us to action. Without grief there is no love.
There is no revolution while feeling comfortable at the same time.
I don’t know how one can ignore the smoke. At this point, you can see the fire. You can feel the heat. I beg you to not look away. To not push aside the horrors because they will only keep bubbling up stronger.
Care for yourself while caring for the world.
We CAN do both.
Collective care without caring for self is not sustainable.
Caring for self without collective care is meaningless.
While I was on multiple trains in and out of London this week, I listened to these and I recommend them. If for nothing else but to feel less alone in your madness:
Your personal freedom is not the most important thing. If your personal freedom comes at the expense of someone else’s (which is true for most of us) it’s not freedom, it’s privilege. It’s not something you earned, you simply got lucky. You need to understand that you could easily have been on the other side.
- this.
When I first read the title, I scoffed because *in my Jamaican accent* how you mean my freedom is not the most important thing. However, I read it through the lens of someone who often dwells in the shadows of their own "good" intentions. I read it through the lens of someone who has not had the privilege of looking away...This piece challenged me to zoom out, to move past my judgment of the title, and engage with its actual message. And I learned that I do in fact agree. Thank you!