This resonates with me deeply. Learning to see my mom less for her faults and the pain she brought me in my childhood, and more leaning into curiosity about her childhood/life before me. The more I learn the more tender I become towards her. She did the best she could with the tools she had. I hope my children can look at me one day and say the same thing, and I will fight everyday to work towards healing and growth - for their sakes, but also for my own. 🤍
Yup. Same here. The sharp edges soften as you get older I think. When you have learned how to meet your own needs and gotten some of them met by other mothers. You start to understand that your own mother was just so broken and didn’t have a mother herself.
Wasn’t expecting for my heart to be ripped wide open today. I made the hard decision to go no contact with my mom last summer (really put it in effect in November. I want to get to a place I’m neutral with her. I don’t want resentment at the core of my understanding of her. She did what she could with what she had. But younger me is still healing to come to peace with the fact she will
Never be the mother I always wanted. I was lucky to be raised by my paternal grandmother, my momo. She’s my heart and soul. She is my mother.
This is timely as I still mourn and navigate my feelings with my birth giver.
Cypress, I feel this so much. I had to do the same for a period of my life. I am truly sorry that this has been your experience. You deserved better. And so did your mother too. And it's so huge of you to heal, so this doesn't have to be repeated in the future. You are amazing.
Chills as I finish reading your article. Numerous cycles of shedding the illusion that I had “a safe and supportive family”. In some ways it was, and in some ways it wasn’t. I’m still making peace with the fact that I never had the parents I needed. Still integrating that this is not really their fault. Still learning not to take it personally when once more, in our conversations, I am reminded that they just do not see me. Thankful for all the other kinds of “mother” who I have been gifted and who make the healing possible. Thank you for the words to articulate this! It’s beautiful to find reflections of familiar emotions in your story and the way you share it. Sending much love 🙏💎❄️
I feel you Isabel. Thank you for letting me know we share similar feelings. So beautiful that you had other mothers too, it really as a gift, as you said! ❤️ You deserved more and you are doing something incredible by breaking that cycle for the future!
This is so beautiful, and something I need to hear. I struggle with the mother wound in different aspects; with my own whom I haven't spoken to in a year? And as a mother myself
Reading this, and the comments from other women, is so validating. This is one of those things that can make one feel alone, and here you’ve shown us we are not. Thank you.
I went through the same thing. I was disturbed by seeing my mother in my own face, and hearing her in my own voice. This doesn't happen so much any more, for three reasons. I've healed a lot of that childhood hurt through reparenting myself and therapy. I see her a lot less often now than I used to. And while she's always accumulated more frown lines than laugh lines, I've done the opposite. I'm glad you've found other mothers from whom you've received nourishment!
I asked my partner once crying, because I could feel myself turning more and more into her, if I was the same and just couldn't see it. He said the most beautiful thing.. that even in our resemblance, the difference was I stopped to think about it, and consider others always. I can now also see the good things that I have from her
Awww Lorelei! This is so comforting . Thank you for sharing! I love that you have accumulated laugh lines!!!! That is a beautiful way to look at it and I am going to remind myself of it! THANK YOU!
All of this. The mother wound is such long, long thread that weaves back further than we can see. So while it is hard to fully forgive, or forget, I have the compassion for mine too. A lot to work through, as always, and not asked for! Thank you for your rawness, and your reflection Xx
I see you. It is such a journey to find resolution and forgiveness in never receiving love from the one person we should have from the start. But it too is the most beautiful doorway. 🤍
I completely missed this post, but I found it just in time! My mom has passed, but recently I was talking to my sister about getting my dad's number—it's been a while. I've been reflecting on everything you shared here for a few months. It really resonates with me!
It makes me so happy knowing that these words, woven in some random corner of the world, in the quiet, in my journal - can have a ripple effect in your life. on the other side of the world. Lots of love to you friend.
Reading this poem was like you contextualized so many moments I have had in the mirror analyzing the reflection staring back at me. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous words and a piece of your soul.
I found myself in this one. It's so hard sometimes to understand our parents, and to heal from the childhood. I still struggle to see her as a mother, since I became more aware of her nature, and how deep the hurt has been, how I was played. Thank you for this post
This resonates with me deeply. Learning to see my mom less for her faults and the pain she brought me in my childhood, and more leaning into curiosity about her childhood/life before me. The more I learn the more tender I become towards her. She did the best she could with the tools she had. I hope my children can look at me one day and say the same thing, and I will fight everyday to work towards healing and growth - for their sakes, but also for my own. 🤍
Hannah, I love this so much. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. Sending love to younger you and present you ❤️
Nadia- my favorite text to date. Thanks so much. Resonates for sure. You feel deeply and I love that you share it with us. 🙏🏼
Thank you for being here, reading and resonating with my words. It means the world to know that I am not alone.
Yup. Same here. The sharp edges soften as you get older I think. When you have learned how to meet your own needs and gotten some of them met by other mothers. You start to understand that your own mother was just so broken and didn’t have a mother herself.
Exactly that!!! I am so so grateful for this softening, that softens the grief a little too.
Wasn’t expecting for my heart to be ripped wide open today. I made the hard decision to go no contact with my mom last summer (really put it in effect in November. I want to get to a place I’m neutral with her. I don’t want resentment at the core of my understanding of her. She did what she could with what she had. But younger me is still healing to come to peace with the fact she will
Never be the mother I always wanted. I was lucky to be raised by my paternal grandmother, my momo. She’s my heart and soul. She is my mother.
This is timely as I still mourn and navigate my feelings with my birth giver.
Cypress, I feel this so much. I had to do the same for a period of my life. I am truly sorry that this has been your experience. You deserved better. And so did your mother too. And it's so huge of you to heal, so this doesn't have to be repeated in the future. You are amazing.
Sending you much much love!
Chills as I finish reading your article. Numerous cycles of shedding the illusion that I had “a safe and supportive family”. In some ways it was, and in some ways it wasn’t. I’m still making peace with the fact that I never had the parents I needed. Still integrating that this is not really their fault. Still learning not to take it personally when once more, in our conversations, I am reminded that they just do not see me. Thankful for all the other kinds of “mother” who I have been gifted and who make the healing possible. Thank you for the words to articulate this! It’s beautiful to find reflections of familiar emotions in your story and the way you share it. Sending much love 🙏💎❄️
I feel you Isabel. Thank you for letting me know we share similar feelings. So beautiful that you had other mothers too, it really as a gift, as you said! ❤️ You deserved more and you are doing something incredible by breaking that cycle for the future!
Thank you Nadia. And so do you! 🧡 The ripples are endless.
This is so beautiful, and something I need to hear. I struggle with the mother wound in different aspects; with my own whom I haven't spoken to in a year? And as a mother myself
Sending you so much love Corrine! ❤️
Reading this, and the comments from other women, is so validating. This is one of those things that can make one feel alone, and here you’ve shown us we are not. Thank you.
I am honestly always so grateful to know I am not alone. that's why I share. So hopefully others feel less lonely too!
I went through the same thing. I was disturbed by seeing my mother in my own face, and hearing her in my own voice. This doesn't happen so much any more, for three reasons. I've healed a lot of that childhood hurt through reparenting myself and therapy. I see her a lot less often now than I used to. And while she's always accumulated more frown lines than laugh lines, I've done the opposite. I'm glad you've found other mothers from whom you've received nourishment!
I asked my partner once crying, because I could feel myself turning more and more into her, if I was the same and just couldn't see it. He said the most beautiful thing.. that even in our resemblance, the difference was I stopped to think about it, and consider others always. I can now also see the good things that I have from her
Melany, this made me cry!!! Thank you for sharing it with us. Thank you thank you thank you ❤️ My heart just burst!
Awww Lorelei! This is so comforting . Thank you for sharing! I love that you have accumulated laugh lines!!!! That is a beautiful way to look at it and I am going to remind myself of it! THANK YOU!
All of this. The mother wound is such long, long thread that weaves back further than we can see. So while it is hard to fully forgive, or forget, I have the compassion for mine too. A lot to work through, as always, and not asked for! Thank you for your rawness, and your reflection Xx
It is so long! And I am so proud of us for following that thread and reclaiming what we are grieving. Sending you a lot of love Natalie!
I see you. It is such a journey to find resolution and forgiveness in never receiving love from the one person we should have from the start. But it too is the most beautiful doorway. 🤍
Hmmm. Yes. A doorway. Thank you so so much for this reminder Kaitlyn. And thank you for seeing me.
"For me, and all the people I am mothering now and will mother in the future: I will heal what you couldn’t."
I'll always remember you with this! Love this, and I hope you heal souls you never broke. This is beautiful, Nadia <3
Oh Anjali.Your words just made my heart glow. Thank you.
I completely missed this post, but I found it just in time! My mom has passed, but recently I was talking to my sister about getting my dad's number—it's been a while. I've been reflecting on everything you shared here for a few months. It really resonates with me!
It makes me so happy knowing that these words, woven in some random corner of the world, in the quiet, in my journal - can have a ripple effect in your life. on the other side of the world. Lots of love to you friend.
A masterclass in the art form to depict so beautifully the distance between the writing and the sharing. Sending love and thanks, always 🤍
Thank you genius. From you this is a huge compliment!
Reading this poem was like you contextualized so many moments I have had in the mirror analyzing the reflection staring back at me. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous words and a piece of your soul.
I found myself in this one. It's so hard sometimes to understand our parents, and to heal from the childhood. I still struggle to see her as a mother, since I became more aware of her nature, and how deep the hurt has been, how I was played. Thank you for this post