My secret.
Sometimes I don’t want to feel. I understand why some people don’t go there. Even though I am physically incapable of it, I get it. I get why they don’t allow themselves to dive in. Why they prefer numbing themselves. With Netflix, with work, with dating, sex, food, with alcohol, with sleep, with their phone, with a full diary, with noise. noise. noise. noise. Just to not feel IT.
You can get so much more done when you’re not feeling. You can function, can focus, can get through the day. You can achieve and win awards and produce and churn out content.
Sometimes I wish I could turn my feelings off and soldier on.
I am so fucking tired of feeling everything so intensely all the time.
Sometimes I would like to know what it feels like to not feel. Some days I just want to find that switch, flip it and hear nothing. Think nothing. Feel nothing. Just silence. Or is it just noise? What does it sound like in your body when you’re not feeling?