How do you make decisions for your future self?
Navigation vs. path finding: how to be curious about your life
Change comes about in two ways: the one that is forced on us from the outside; and the one we initiate ourselves.
The first kind of change you cannot avoid - the second kind you can escape, if you avoid questioning your life.
Have you ever asked yourself:
Why the hell can’t I just be like everyone else? Why can’t I just do and want what everyone else does and wants?
There is no real roadmap for life. That much we all agree on.
When we were children, we thought our parents had it all together - only to find out, once we have passed the age our parents had us at and talking to them about how they felt in their 30’s - that no adult really knows what they are doing, everyone is just guessing and trying.
There are things most older people will say, like: ‘Your relationships are the most important things in life’ and that they regret spending so much time at work - but overall, we tend to say ‘there is no template and we all follow our own path.’ Or at least that’s what we tell ourselves.
However:
We might deny the existence of a roadmap, but there are certainly societal benchmarks that are used to measure how we are doing (compared to others), where we are at in life, how far we have come, how far we have to go, if we are a ‘proper’ adult and have it all together or if we are loosing. So we tend to use those benchmarks as our roadmap.
We feel the most ‘adult’ if we can cross off as many things on the adulting list as possible.
We watch our fellow peers around us - and if our lives resemble theirs somewhat, we feel safe. We feel like we’re doing ok.
As much as we want to follow our own path - how much are we really doing that though?
We use other people as guides for our own behaviour, their achievements as measurements for ours and their choices as guide for our own.
In my twenties, shortly after getting married, I realised that actually, I wasn’t at all interested in what my peers where doing: buying or building houses, making babies (I grew up in church, they start young) and settling into suburban life. So I didn’t.
With my ex-husband we started a wedding photography business and traveled around the world every week for the next 10 years, shooting weddings all over the globe. While my friends back home were growing families, all leading very similar lives.
Coincidence? I will get to that a bit later.
I have always struggled with following the status quo and I still do. But inevitably, as I get older, I wonder if life wouldn’t be easier and lighter if I just signed those societal contracts.
When I look at my life one thing is painfully obvious:
I consistently changed my course. Every few years.
Not because I enjoyed the change so much, not because I love being a nomad or desire a nomad lifestyle, not because I get bored, not because I want to be a rebel or enjoy being ‘different’ - but purely for one reason: because I constantly ask questions. I am deeply curious in general - and this applies to my life as well. When you ask a lot of questions, change becomes inevitable. It is an organic consequence of enquiry.
How do you make the ‘right’ decision? How do you know which turn to take next and if what you are choosing now is what will be good for you ten years down the line?
There are two ways to live life:
one is using navigation and one is path finding.
I didn’t know or use these two terms until I heard them this year, but turns out, I have always lived that way, even when I didn’t have words for it.
What is the difference?